the first snow
and I couldn’t resist
rushing to you,


loyal to you
all hiss and pride
and airs and


on your back
ripping at your spine
half done snarl
ripping at your mild decline
your declination of my every invite
fur like spurs
digging in your rib
tongue that’s wet
with things i heard
some lies they bent
honey honey I need you
to win me. I’m


like thoughtless words
picking at your sacral
sink into your gut
smile shaped like a shovel
unearth your tender insides
when I should have been
turning that blood-leaking grin inward
you missed a spot
digging in
digging in
(I stayed with you last night)
digging into mine
my own garden
and wishing you well
but i’m also

holding a cup of hot cocoa
watching the flurry through the curtains
notice your ghost laughing in the corner
rearranging my toy dinosaurs
into the parts of myself.
i’m imagining our reconciliation
to be better than it will be
and understanding that you
feel me very near you,
still close to you somehow.
and darling,
heavy-hearted and you want to
even out
do you feel me holding you tight tonight?
do you know I’m in your bed?
feel me like a demon poultice
chained to your debt
soft veins and softer legs wrapped around you
some fang pull your ear
whisper whisper whisper
a well done French kiss
a bite mark left on your neck
wishing you a very sincere and mostly becoming,
it’s for the best that is,
very slow, very slow,
dear babe,
very patient,
very deliberate,
(you stayed with me last night)
very white at least
hot hot

I think we both know
it’s time to understand me.
“white lily & kamma”


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