I touch myself often:
stroke my shoulders, lips, triceps,
areola and clenched abdomen
with absolute devotion
and whispering fingertips.
Nails bite the fat,
trace their way to the salacious cleft
that divides me like a highway
and gets me going somewhere else.
Tongue quivering,
lids partially open,
tousled skirt and knees wide apart
like two hitchhikers trying to find each other
but never seem to meet.
Hands shaking like they’re your eyelashes
touching me,
baiting me,
caught in an upwind
and I chase.

You watch me rehearse with scrutiny and
a muted temper.
I debate winking but one does not play
with a covetous mate that way.
You gave me your pulse and your word
so I’m careful with how I hold this heartbeat.
I remain stoic:
eyes set on you and unblinking
and I stay.
Flashbulbs capturing my moan like a dream catcher
when all we caught at night was resentment and cold.
Before we thought only nightmares had ghosts
but this bed is a haunted playground
still flipping jacks under the dresser
and laughing in the dark
and I flicker like the candle I still hold
for our shared heart.
Easy going the movement:
the grunt, thrust, and groan;
myself showing the world that I’ve got big, swinging balls
after all.
I’m trembling like God cracking the whip on the stars
telling them,
“Move, you’re up next!”
They’re off to wage war on a baby galaxy and
with an arm full of sun,
I storm.

I wage war
only in public,
on film,
for other people’s things,
in the bathroom,
for someone’s fingers
around my neck,
on my buttox,
slap, crackle, & pop,
ripping stifled violence from my insides.
Busom shaped like a freshly polished battle axe,
wet and groping and trying to land in some flesh,
pull it out:
watch it drip slick, red defeat
and I cry.

Come back to myself and collapse
on top of whoever begged to play my footstool
this week
before he stretches out his back like a bored house cat
and licks the cream from my feet.
Chairs squeak;
someone coughs and adjusts the lights.
I pull my blouse over my tender chest and notice the exit
is brighter than usual.
Wipe my mouth and cheeks with an embroidered handkerchief
that’s initials aren’t mine
Blow a kiss in your general direction.
You do nothing at all but keep your
heart and arms crossed
in an effort not to fall all over yourself
or turn green.
I suck my fingers
and pause to think.
I look you in your eyes
and I make two unspoken promises
that I may never repeat
out loud.

And I wink.

“how we finally meet”

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